Thursday, September 10, 2009

Wow, I. Fail.

Keeping up with this blog is harder than I thought. Or maybe I'm more busy than I thought. Or maybe I really do fail. Hard.

Regardless, I'm here! I figured that since I was sitting at my unpaid internship, I might as well utilize their time to my benefit.

Yet here I sit. I really don't have anything to talk about. My life really is a constant cycle of a routine that I am content with. I wake up and either go to the gym super early or go to work, I might have class on a certain night, then I'll go to Jenn's to make/eat dinner and watch an episode of one of our many followed seasons, and after I try to tackle the insane amount of reading I have for grad school I go to bed and start all over. So as you can tell my life doesn't get much more exciting than what you see at face value.

I can't quite put my finger on it but I feel like my life is missing something. I know that I have amazing friends, and I'm making it through life okay with my family. But what is it that I feel void of? A relationship? Adventure? Challenges? A real job? Well, on the relationship front, I really don't want a relationship right now. Way to many obligations and too much work. I'm not ready for that at the moment. As for adventure, I find myself trying new things more often. Clubs, bars, I'm hopping on a plane all by my lonesome after Christmas and flying to Colorado to try out snowboarding for the first time with Jenn. That's pretty adventurous for me. And I'm not sure I could challenge myself more after signing up for this grad program. I've never taken any business classes, and here I am, hanging out in the MBA program. Slowly waving goodbye to my sanity. So, I think I've cleared the mark for challenges at the moment. That leaves having a real job. I heard of an opportunity at a local (somewhat local) hospital, I just need to pursue it. I think I'm a little nervous about that change. I'm content in my little student-assistant-bubble, I don't want to leave! I will have to though, I need the money and the experience. Hopefully I'll find the courage to apply and beast the interview so that I can move on to the next step in my life.

Now, onward to inane tasks that I'm not paid to do!

Have a good one :)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

As usual, I'm delayed in my posting. Sometimes it's a little difficult to get an inspiration to post. Alas, I have thought of something to blab about. First, a little update. School starts for me today. So I'll be taking two graduate courses and working. This should be interesting.

Anyway, let's get on with it...

If you've known me for a while and were to see me now, I'd have to admit that I'm a changed person. Not just physically; but spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as well. I'll get to that in a second. But if you don't know me I'll share a short background. I went through a really tough time my sophomore and junior years of college. Sophomore year was the worst. I went through a bad breakup and decided that alcohol would solve all of my problems. I drank all the time. As you can imagine, I gained a ton of weight and my self esteem went down the drain. But something this year changed. I have felt the change coming for a while now. But in March, I finally decided to do something about my out of control weight problem. I started dieting and exercising (nothing special) and have now lost 44 pounds.

It's been amazing. I can't begin to tell you what it has done for my life. My self-esteem/confidence has risen drastically. I love it when people notice and compliment me. I love the feeling of being tired from work, but making myself go to the gym only to leave and feel so much better about myself. I love that I couldn't have done any of it without my best friend Jenn. She always kept me motivated and on track.

I don't know how I was able to turn off the desire to drink to 'solve my problems'. I just did. I think I had a realization one day and knew that it was only making me even more miserable. Granted, there is a lot more to this story that I have left out for length purposes. Nonetheless, the point is that I feel like I've come leaps and bounds from the depths I felt buried beneath no more than two or three years ago.

I'm not saying that life is perfect for me, it's still quite hard at times. I am saying that I feel like a better person. That's got to mean something in this life, right?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Let's Be Honest...

A little bit of an update before I begin...
I think I'm going to aim for a post a week because I'm a bad blogger and am easily distracted by other things. Other things consisting of the second season of Gossip Girl [which just came out on DVD and I'm super excited]...and reading...and RockBand. Very important things, as you can tell. But seriously, a post a week.

So, I'm in a sorority. I just graduated with my Bachelor's so this makes me an alum. But, I'm in a sorority no less. I will keep the sorority's name disclosed because although I might be honest, I don't want to be vicious.

Recruitment is fast approaching and this means many things for both sides of participants. The poor souls that aim to join one of these groups are stressing about appearance (which outfit to wear? How to style my hair? Will they like me?) , researching each sorority at their campus, and more than likely ignoring the sole reason for their attendance at said campus. On the other side of the door, sorority loyals are planning decorations, practicing songs, learning the "do's and dont's" of proper conversation, maticulously judging the appropriate outfits to make their group as a whole look "presentable"; I think it makes all of us look like cookie-cutter, soccer-mom-housewifes. I have nothing against that stereotype. If you're a woman who does nothing all day but tote your kids around and takes care of the household, that's great for you. I understand that that can be a full-time job within itself, but it isn't me. I don't believe that I should present myself as such either.

I have been in a sorority for four years, and I'm pretty knowledgable about the inner workings of it's "democracy". I'm not quite positive why I decided to stick with it for four years because it was an extremely stressful part of my college career. I put a lot of money and time into it, I've lost countless friendships and gained few, and I still don't feel like I'm walking away with much.

I've talked endlessly with several friends about the pros and cons of sorority life. Location is key. My university doesn't seem to be the right home for Greek life. However, there are factors about sorority life that I believe are common among all chapters. We are all fake. Very blunt statement, I understand. But I don't apologize for it. To some varying degree, each sorority girl is fake. It doesn't necessarily mean that all of us have fake blonde hair, fake tans, fake boobs, AND a fake personality. It just means that we aren't honest with others or with ourselves 100% of the time.

The sorority that I had dedicated the past four years of my life has prided itself on being original and down to earth. But when it's recruitment time, we put on a mask. We try to act like our sorority is a fun club that doesn't have political issues and money problems. I would love it if our recruitment parties could be us in a room with couches and junk food. We could wear whatever suited us, and we could sit and casually talk to these girls about what our sorority was really about. I would tell them all of the fun we have, but I would also be honest about how much work is really involved in maintaining, as well as building upon, the existing sorority.

I could keep talking about this forever. I think you all get my point though. I might write more about sorority life in later posts. Maybe...

Moral: Honesty. Because it's so much more attractive than being fake.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Becoming Wasted?

I've been struggling a lot lately with my future. I am a newborn graduate with my Bachelor's, but am finding it seemingly impossible to get a job. So what do I do? I'm going to grad school. I'm not sure this is the best decision, but I guess we'll see come August 26th.

I've been listening to a lot of Cartel lately and there is a song by them called "Wasted". This part has encompassed my fears:

"23 now, got his life in his hands. He's looking all around and he doesn't understand. Cause life's too busy, things get in the way We all feel alone every single day. And I'm 18 and couldn't wait to move out. It's been five years and now I'm starting to doubt whether all my dreams are just aimless stares looking off to some place that isn’t there. When I'm 32 will I'll be miserable? With everything around based on principle? Well, I have a clue. Oh wouldn't it be nice, to never be alone in this wasted life."

This verse really makes me think. Will it be like that for me? I surely hope not. I have a plan now. I'm going to start the RN program at TJC in the spring, but continue for my MBA through an online program. But that still leaves room for meeting someone. I've been single for four years now. That's like a record for me. I don't want to seem pretentious about this, but I used to move from boyfriend to boyfriend back in my high school days. Now it just seems impossible to meet someone even worth flirting with.

It makes me nervous. I know that in a couple of years I will be ready to settle down and start a family. But what if that's not in the cards for me? That scares the hell out of me. I want to meet a man that will love me unconditionally, look at me with adoration, and would do anything to protect me. Maybe I just want the security. The security of love, as well as protection. I'd like to think that it's more than that though. I do want to love and be loved in return. I want to be sappy and cheesy, then fight like dogs. I eventually want children and the stress that involved with that. I tell myself that it has to be in the cards for me, it just has to. But what if? Should I prepare myself for that "what if"? Everyday I notice that one of my friends is getting married or is having a baby. How did their timeline work out for them? Did I miss a step? Or are they simply "better" than me?

I hate to think that all of those girls are better than I am. That certainly isn't the mentality to have. Right now I am content in the plan that I have to make a future for myself the best way I know how. I just have to wait until those plans start falling into place to worry about anything else. For now, I am content. For now, I am not wasted.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Let's Get This Out in the Open

As usual, I am having dinner with my best friend Jenn tonight and we are exchanging stories of our day. We usually have some pretty funny stories of people we have run into or things we have seen while we are out and about.

So before I get into the story that she shared with me, I have a confession to make.

I. Am. A. Twilight Fan.

Ok, before you sigh and roll your eyes at me. Let me explain myself.

I am a Twilight fan, which automatically put me in the same category as squeeling twelve year old girls. Do they exist? Yes. Am I one of them? No. Absolutely not.

I like Twilight for many reasons. I like how the books are in first person perspective. I love the idea that chilvary still exists. I think I'll save the explanation for this for later entries. I fell in love with the characters quite easily, or they annoyed me in the same light. They evoked emotions from me, and I had never had a book do that to me before. I don't believe that I'm a crazed fan. I will admit that I check Twilight fan sites, read fanfiction, and I attended the Twilight conference held in Dallas, TX a couple of weeks ago. But why should I be judged because of this? Because it's not the "cool" thing to do? What is this, middle school? Are you kidding me? Forgive me if I begin to vent. But I've been dealing with this judgment for the past year and I just need to get it off my chest.

So, back to the story that Jenn told me. She tells me that while she was in class today she overheard a conversation about Twilight. I'll give these people the names of Guy and Girl. Fair enough. So, Guy asked Girl "have you read Twilight?" and she replied, "yes." Guy asked Girl what her opinion was and she says that she hated the writing. Which is all fine and good. I respect her opinion. But she then starts to compare Twilight to Harry Potter.....UGH! I am SO sick of this comparison. I can list right now the similarities of Twilight and Harry Potter. 1) Young adult novel. 2) Fantasy. 3) Massive fan base. That's it! So, why do people continue to insist on comparing the writing styles, characters, plots, etc.? I just don't understand it. I am a bigger fan of Twilight than I am of Harry Potter [although I love both] for my own reasons. But I definately don't compare the two, because they just don't compare! The funny thing is that Guy admitted that he had only read the first three chapters of Twilight. So why does he even get an opinion? He didn't even give them a fair chance. If I were to talk to someone who had read all four of the books and they admitted to disliking them I would respect their thoughts and actually applaud them for sticking through all of the books.

All in all, I don't think that I should be ashamed of Twilight. Just like others shouldn't be ashamed for liking to keep up with football stats...or say, writing blogs.

I think in future blogs I might dive into some topics that can be brought out of Twilight. I'm excited! Don't judge me.

Hello Blogging World!

I'm not really sure what I plan to achieve by typing out my thoughts for the world wide web to see. But I was extremely intrigued and thought "why the hell not!?"

So, hello blogging world! Nice to meet you!

I guess if you want to know more about me just check out my profile, and you'll get a glimpse into who I am...kind of. I think I'll have more of a chance to express who I really am through the blog. Stay tuned if you care.

First post: later today or tomorrow.
Topic: Truth. Lies. Deception. Acceptance. What do we care?

thank you forever incomplete for unveiling this world to me.
let the adventure begin!