Worth

**Disclaimer: I should not write when I'm emotional. It comes off weird. But I don't care. Just listen...or read in this case.

Who here feels worthy? Worthy of your family. Worthy of your friends. Worthy of your job. Worthy of love. Worthy of life. It's hard to justify being worthy of any of these things. They are all so vital to a human being's existence that we sometimes get lost in the translation of what it means to be appreciative.

Lately I've been trying to sort out certain aspects of my life. Since losing weight, my dating pool has expanded but it's done little for my self-esteem. I'm aware of this and am in the process of working on improving it, but it's a difficult and slow process. I say this because of other events that are occuring that negatively reinforce my sour opinion of myself.

Why can't a person be worthy of a kept promise at least? When someone says "I'll do anything for you" or "you mean the world to me". Why can it not be the truth? What about when someone says "I'll call you tomorrow." This is probably the most common lie among daters. Why even bother? Suck it up, loser. You don't even have to stick your pathetic neck out there to attempt honesty. But if you aren't going to call, don't say you are. It's lame.

Equation: (Poor Self-Esteem + Lies) * Losers = This Rant

So how do I pick up the pieces? How do I convince myself that the lies are told because of ignorance/idiocy and not because of...me?

This is the place I'm in.

I know this is the blog of the "hopelessly-bitter-cat-lady", but who gives a shit? I'm pissed. Let my rant be read.

Recommendation: Drew & the Medicinal Pen (start with the 2nd song)

Untitled for a Reason

I can't seem to think about what to title this post because I simply don't know which topic to choose. I have so many large gaps in between posts because of my schedule that I never remember the topics I want to write about, and now, here I sit...I actually have time to write and my mind is blank.

I have been extremely busy with the end of the semester (having taken 12 grad hours), and my work load has significantly increased. Both school and work have been "fine". "Fine" meaning I'm just showing up to both and doing what is asked of me until I can go home and sleep. I'm sad because I haven't been able to get to the gym as frequently lately. I'm hoping that by taking this summer off from school I can get back on track and lose the 28 lbs I still want to get rid of so badly.

Here's something new: I finally got to shove something in my ex's face. That was certainly nice. He said he wanted to see me, and I said "I don't think that's such a good idea considering I'm seeing someone". It completely freaked him out, and it made my face kinda look like this --> :D
I'm not sure what to think about this new relationship that seems to have blossomed overnight - although it's been in the works for almost a year now. We are taking things super slowly, so I don't feel very overwhelmed by it all. Just terrified. But I guess it's the good kind of terrified. I've been thinking about my future a lot lately. I've learned that the future isn't as far away as it seems, we always have to be thinking ahead to be ahead in life, or at least that's how I operate anyway. I want to move out of Texas, I want to live and experience things.

I want to challenge myself, and I challenge all of you to do the same. Some time this week do something you never thought you would do, something small...something big. It doesn't matter.

Just impress yourself.

So, go on. You've got some challenges to accomplish. I look forward to hearing about them.

RECOMMENDATION: Listen to The Kooks - start with the song "Always Where I Need to Be". They seriously rock. Hard.